SHOPPING WITH WOMEN

Many articles have been written about this phenomenon, and I will probably be touching on past cliches and comments so in order to avoid plagiarism and/or any copywrite infringements, let me state here and now I acknowledge that I may have borrowed every word and thought inherent to someone else.
This past weekend I went shopping with my niece Hailey. We had to stop for gas, go shopping at Costco, flush the water tank in my travel trailer, take a shower and go to the RV Store for parts and stop at Ross's to buy hand towels, dish towels and wash cloths and dish rags, total time invested 4-1/2 hours.
Later Hailey and I enjoyed a wonderful late lunch at Olive Garden with Tiffany, Maxine and Tayla. We had decided afterwards we would go the mall to look for a Blue Tooth for Maxine. It was then I experienced the shopping patterns of the homo sapien, females. Now it has been a habit of mine to find the nearest store that interests me or a cozy bench for people watching. Today was an exception, while Maxine and Tiffany contiued the purchase at Radio Shack I volunteered to take Hailey and Tayla to the Children's area. Believe me this was not a burden I love spending time with my Great nieces and nephews and I loved watching them enjoy the toys and other children so this was a pleasant experience.
What I observed was the shopping patterns of Tiffany and Maxine, now bear in mind what I mentioned Hailey and I accomplished in 4-1/2 hours. Tiffany was looking for a pair of pants well maybe two pairs, gawd I don't know because after touching and going through the entire pants section including the various Clearance Racks, finding a couple of pairs that might fit but not quite the colors wanted, they still headed for that dreaded "Fitting Room" that takes forever to exit. I know because I called Tiffany while she was in the Fitting Room earlier in the day and it was almost an hour later before she got back to me.
The horror of shopping for a pair of pants is that they never quite fit the butt right or the waist right or the legs aren't just so, but more so is the fact that now we need to touch every dagnabbit belt on the Clearance rack to fit the pants we are thinking of buying. So not finding the belt that looks right we "sack" the pants and have to start over, BUT wait start over we DO NOT. The women have now discovered.... "Oh that would look so cute on Tayla or Hailey would really love this!" So we are off on another tangent and we watch them go through the children's clearance racks and wonder over to the name brands rack and finally decide to go back and purchase the first item they thought was so cute. The pants Tiffany was looking for oh yeah they now remembered they still hadn't found any pants so maybe one last trip through the Ladies Section oh wait, "Doesn't that pair of earrings look adorable? Those would look good on you." So another hurdle we go through before we get back to the pants.
Now the little ones have all but believed they have been abandoned, after all Mom and Grandma have been gone since Saturday and it is now early Sunday morning. Fortunately Mall security found us blankets and pillows so the little ones were comfortable. Realizing my little Princesses were getting restless and truly needed soemthing to eat we made our way to Baskin Robbins and put out an APB for two women lost in Kohl's in Women's wear.
FINALLY, we were all reunited Tayla had tears of happiness when she saw Mom and Hailey had to be re-introduced because it had been so long but everything worked out in the end and we lived happily ever after. Oh the pants - nope just wasn't what Tiffany was looking for but Tayla has a new summer, winter, fall and spring outfit plus 2 dozen birthday gifts. Hailey has a new dress, a pants suit, a new blouse, shoes and stuffed toy. Maxine has her Blue Tooth phone, Tiffany has new earrings, a bracelet, a new purse, some pefume, a scarf BUT NO PANTS.

ME AND MY DAGNABBIT CAMERA

About a year ago I decided to buy me a new camera, after losing over half my photographs from my trip through Wyoming and Mount Rushmore.
Wanting to do all sorts of things creative and experiment with printing larger clear photographs I took out a home equity loan and bought one of the higher priced models A Binford, Super 6000 with remote control for men.
This is one of those technical instruments that require a 3-day course on simple-to-understand operations. I am one of those rare men that does read the manual, unfortunately, I have a terrible memory. Unless I have a pocket guide I can take with me I am totally lost.
One of the wonderful features to this State Of The Art Camera is IT HAS AN AUTO SETTING! Yep, I can put it in this mode and it does everything for me.
What it does not have is a STUPIT button.
The past couple of weekends I went on some wonderful and memorable trips, one to Seattle with one of my wonderful nieces, and we took in some different sites I had not seen before. There were some great Photo Ops, especially on the Duck Ride - oh what a grand opportunity to use my camera that was setting home on my dining room table.
On My next opportunity I went with a good friend again to Seattle for the annual Folk Life Festival. Had some great Photo Ops to use my camera that was securely hidden away in the back of my Durango.
Ah ha, but now it gets better. I went to Portland to experience the Portland Rose Parade, everyone knows there are great Photo Ops at a parade, NOT IF YOUR BATTERY IS DEAD and your battery charger is setting home on youor dinig room table.
So for anyone that might be interested, on Craigs List you might find a BINFORD 6000 Super deluxe Camera WITH wrist strap, instruction manual and battery charger.
I have found post cards are 4 for a $1.00 in most gift shops.